Not Coming Back

Surrounded by my tears
Heart in my hands
It's bleeding
Yet somehow it still beats
Does it beat for you?

This smile is plastered on my face
But the tears never stop
I don't know what to say
What to do
Either way I'll hurt you
I'm so sorry love...

I told you...
You deserve better then me
But you just keep saying...
I'm all you want
I have no idea why
All I do is hurt you
Why do you stay?

You hold me tightly
Tell me to go if I want
I don't know what I want
Not anymore
I want you
I want him
But in this life...
You never get everything you want
I learned that the hard way...

I don't know why this is so hard for me
I should only want you
You and you alone should be enough
I'm begging you to stay
And I know you will
Even though you'd be better gone
Better without me
Really...you should go

I love you
Don't you ever doubt that
You're my angel...
Remember?
You are far from useless
Words from your mouth...
They heal these wounds
I thought they'd never heal

There's doubt in me...
But I know it's you I need
I will love you forever
You keep telling me...
You're in my life forever
Whether it be friends
Of my lover
What do I do?

Just picturing that though...
Us as just friends...
It hurts...
Brings tears to my eyes
Breaks my heart to pieces
You're everything I want
Everything I need
My everything...

I hate myself...
Once I have something good
It's never enough
I always need more
I cant control my feelings
This is killing me
Just the thought of losing you
Makes me die inside
I'm dieing...

I need you
I need him
But this isn't going to work
You cant have two things
Only one
I'm standing at a crossroad
Again...
This time I'm stuck
My feet refuse to move...

My feet sink into the ground
It begins to rain
People run around me
But I stand in place
My eyes scan both paths
They look the same...
Closing my eyes
I let my heart lead me
Just praying it's right...

Walking slowly
I hear my feet on the dirt road
Keeping my eyes closed
I keep on walking
Turning my face towards the sky
Rain falls down my face
I feel a hand on my shoulder
This is where my decision is made
Is it right?

Slowly I bring my head down
Open my eyes
But what I see surprises me
Darkness surrounds me
I fall to the ground
Hearing two voices yelling my name
But they're too late
I've slipped into the black
And this time...
I'm not coming back
I'm sorry...