well today was shit. not gonna lie. not one good thing happened today. except I got things cleared up with Alex. everything was...well it just sucked.

drawling was ok. had to see him before though. it just feels so wrong walking by him. no saying hi. not laughing. just walking by stiffly, hoping that no one makes it awkward. we sometimes exchange glances but that's about it now a days. I think is funny...one day you're best friends, the next you might as well be strangers. and I wish I could say it didn't hurt. but than I'd only be lying to myself. but I've been doing that all the time lately...so it doesn't hurt...not one bit.

english was decent. jeff made me laugh like always. but I figured out I'm not doing so great in that class anymore. neither is jeff. he tried to make a joke out of it but I was just silent for the rest of the class. I could tell he was trying to cheer me up but he couldn't. I feel bad. he tries so hard but doesn't get anything out of me. must worry him to death...sorry jeff.

now spanish is when it got bad. failed a test. again. I had to go talk to the teacher. she's making me get a tutor. which I'm not very happy about. sure I'm not doing great in the class. but I'm not failing now am I? pisses me off. I know she's only doing it cuz she cares but really? it's my business. she had to go and ask me why I seem so sad all the time and if there was any reason for that. I told her I've been sad but I don't really know why. cuz I don't. but I'm just confused is all. so now I have to talk to my counselor and my parents. but my parents and I have already talked about this. so I'm gonna go in tomorrow and just lie about it. went great...

everything after that was just a blur. don't remember or even want to remember. didn't eat anything at lunch. science went by slow. shawn made it living hell. kept on bringing him up. which hurt. than history which was boring. just spaced out the whole time. than orchestra. I love that class...but not today. just wanted to curl up and cry. math was decent. half zoned out, half there.

I wish I could say I wanna keep on trying but I don't. I really really don't. I don't know what I want tho. just some peace. for things to go right for just awhile. I need to get myself together...but I'm not quite sure where I am anymore. i just feel like my life's crumbling around me...anyways I'll stop ranting on about my problems because there's no point. later...

~Anna~